My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
