You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
