Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
