Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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