I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
