If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
