your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
