I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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