i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
