I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
