went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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