i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
