I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
