the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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