You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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