i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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