She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
this hospital has no fireball
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
