Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
