Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
