I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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