Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
