I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
