Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
