you turned your livingroom into a bong?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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