Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
