You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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