Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
