so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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