Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
