Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
