I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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