I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
