why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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