I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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