Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
