Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
