All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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