Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
