Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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