yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
