well I can't set my house on fire every night
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
