New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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