dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
