why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
