Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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