I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
