Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
