I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
