she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
