Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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