I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
