His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
