I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
