Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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