Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
