ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
